I Loved Her First
by Flowerlady
Summary: Legacy AU...Corran Horn, Ben Skywalker X Jysella Horn....Sometimes being a father is tough...Songfic


**Title:** I Loved Her First  
**Author:** Flowerlady  
**Timeframe:** Legacy Era AU  
**Characters:** Corran, Ben/Jysella  
**Genre:** Angst, Romance  
**Summary:** There are times it's tough being a father…  
**Disclaimer:** I own nothing… GL owns Star Wars and the song is "I Loved Her First" by Heartland.

_**I Loved Her First**_

_Look at the two of you dancing that way  
Lost in the moment and each others face  
So much in love your alone in this place  
Like there's nobody else in the world  
I was enough for her not long ago  
I was her number one  
She told me so  
And she still means the world to me  
Just so you know  
So be careful when you hold my girl  
Time changes everything  
Life must go on  
And I'm not gonna stand in your way_

I can't believe I'm standing here on this spot waiting to do something that I've been dreading since the day I discovered that she was a girl. Twenty-five years ago Mirax entered our apartment and threw herself down on the couch where I sat reading the HoloNet. I will never forget the smug grin she gave me, it wasn't often she got something over on me since I had retired from the Rogues and pledged myself to the Jedi. But this was one of those times and she knew it. Then after letting me stew for a few moments while we talked about inconsequential things, totally getting me to leave my guard down, she sprang her secret on me.

"You know, Corran, this place is going to get mighty small in a few months."

I humored her with a smile, "And why do you say that? If you tell me your father is coming to visit, I don't think the Imperial Palace would be big enough for the two of us."

She leaned against me and shrugged her shoulders, "I'm sure that Dad will want to visit, since he would want to see his grandchild."

I wrapped my arm around her slight shoulders and snickered, "I think I'd rather send Valin to stay with him on the _Venture_."

"Emmm…I wasn't talking about Valin."

Then it registered and I couldn't believe it. She was telling me that I was going to be a father again. She had just made me the happiest man in the galaxy.

That was the day she came into my life, my baby girl, my Jysella. Although, two months would go by before I'd discover that my little miracle was indeed a girl. It occurred while reaching for her within the Force, a trick Luke had taught me. And in that moment I dreaded that this day would come—that I'd have to give her away.

I hear her coming through the door and I turn to see her. At least I am happy that I got to see her first, only fitting I think.

She is gorgeous, truly an angel. Isn't that what you call her, your angel? Her long black hair lies in long wavy curls and is adorned with Mon Cal seed pearls and Corellian violets. Her heart-shaped face is aglow with love and joy and the excitement of it all; I've never remembered her being this happy even on her most exciting of lifedays. Then I bring myself to look at her gown and I try not to think about what the long white garment symbolizes.

It is a beautiful thing and flatters her curves and slender frame breathtakingly, I can't help but gasp. "Ahh…Jyssie, you are beautiful."

She smiles despite the fact that you used her childhood nickname. The name I coined for her when she was only a baby. She comes over and leans up to kiss my cheek and whispers, "Thank you, Daddy. Do you think Ben will like it?"

I close my eyes briefly as I register your name. _Ben. Ben Skywalker._

Most people would say that Jysella is doing rather well for herself by marrying the Grand Master's son, even though you are three and half years younger than her. You come from one of the galaxy's foremost families. You bring with you an incredible legacy and you come from wonderful parents, who I consider two of my oldest friends. I've known you since you were born. Jysella has known you since your birth. You have a tremendous presence in the Force and your skill at it, I would sadly admit, is probably even greater than my own. I know that even though you are young you are matured well past your twenty years. All in all, you are a terrific young man who I'd pick for any of the daughters of my dearest friends; that is how strongly I believe in you. But you know you still will never be good enough for my little girl.

I swallow back my thoughts and grin and nod, "He will love the way you look." Then the father in me rebels. I take in the low neckline and the fact the dress has no sleeves. I see how it seems to fit too snuggly over her hips and how when she moves the tightness amplifies the gentle sway of her body. I swallow back the demand that she go back into the changing room and put on something more _decent_ but instead I choke out, "You are absolutely a vision."

My praise makes her happy and she takes my arm just as my wife appears with a wide grin on her face and a large bouquet of pale flowers in her hand. She leans in and kisses me gently on the lips while Jysella makes a face, but smiles just the same. Mirax takes and squeezes my hand; she knows how hard this day is for me, but she says to Jysella as she hands her the bridal flowers, "Remember, he'll only have eyes for you. And you will only have eyes for him." She then kisses her daughter on the cheek and moves to where she will be led down the aisle to her seat by Valin and I wonder how she is taking this day so blithely.

We were alone again and then she looks up to me and I see the tear in her eye, but she smiles and says, "I love you, Daddy."

I reach into my pants pocket and pull out a handkerchief, which Mirax insisted that I place there. She told me that I'd have use for it and I use it to dab the tear away. I couldn't let the water mar her makeup. But as I pull my hand away I'm suddenly reminded of how I used to do this same thing when she would skin her knees. And I realize it will be the last time I wipe her tears away. That was now your job. I again swallow the lump that seems to be a permanent thing in my throat and whisper, "I love you too, sweetheart."

We move into the doorway just as the Corellian Wedding March begins. I am overwhelmed by the sight of so many people in the large convention center where your wedding is being held. Mirax and Mara did tell me the number of guests but I somehow forgot that detail. I look back down at Jysella and find her not looking at her wedding goers but at you with an expression of such love and joy, the purest happiness that she glows within the Force from it.

Then I look down the long aisle and see you. Tall, handsomely dressed in black formal suite, with your red hair pulled back and tied at your nape, I fight the urge to scowl at the look that you are giving my daughter. A look that I know all too well, a look that says so many things, things that a father wants to protect his little girl from not lead her too.

But I also see the love shining in your blue eyes; I can feel it crackle in the Force. Maybe that's what bothers me with the gaze that you seem so intent on bestowing my little girl; it's the same look I find myself giving her mother. Like I said, I know that look.

We find ourselves at the bottom, the aisle was way too short for my taste, and yet, it seemed to be a journey that took forever. My heart pounds as I meet your father's eyes. My old friend, my own mentor and onetime Master, smiles at me and then he asks that terrible question, "Who gives this woman to be wed?"

I know I need to answer him. I look down at Jysella but if she notices my hesitation she ignores it; for, she is lost in your eyes as she moves to stand before you. I'm gone. I'm replaced. And it hurts.

"Her mother and I do," I quietly say.

As I start to turn away, she reaches out and touches my arm, smiling a brilliant smile, she leans up and kisses my cheek and I feel her love wash over me through the Force. I smile back at her and then look over at you. You are also smiling a smile that would melt Hoth and reach out to offer me your hand as you quietly say, "I'll take good care of her, Sir."

I nod and look down at your hand and take it. You have a strong grip that somehow does reassure me as do your words. I've always taken great stock in a man who has a strong handshake. It says a lot about them as a person.

But still, I don't think I'll ever think it is strong enough I just want you to know—

_But I loved her first and I held her first  
And a place in my heart will always be hers  
From the first breath she breathed  
When she first smiled at me  
I knew the love of a father runs deep  
And I prayed that she'd find you someday  
But its still hard to give her away  
I loved her first_

I move back to my place beside my wife. I look over and see Mara wipe away a tear. I don't think I've ever seen that woman cry, but as she does I find myself smiling. At least your mother understands.

My attention is brought back to the two of you as Luke speaks the vows that will bind you to each other. Mirax squeezes my hand again and I meet her eyes, and I smile as she holds out her hand. Now, I understand why she gave me the handkerchief. I hand it to her and think, So, it finally got to her too.

—The fact that you are taking her baby away.

I don't want to hear the quiet words that you share with her. However, I make myself listen to them. I need to make sure you are truly pledging your heart and soul to her. Then comes the end. That terrible end.

"May I present to you Mr. and Mrs Ben Skywalker," Luke's voice is strong but I heard the tremor in it. He looks at you and smiles that knowing smile and adds, "You may kiss your bride, Son."

I watch as you lean in and she stands on her toes, but I can't bear to watch the rest. I still have nightmares from the time I caught you kissing her that first night she went out with you. Do you remember that?

The two of you were standing on the stoop at the door. I really didn't like the idea of you dating my daughter. You were too young, I had told her but she assured me that you were only friends. Well, I guess I should have known. That's exactly how her mother and me started out.

The kiss is over and you and she turn to accept the thunderous applause. You both are all smiles and as I look upon my beautiful little girl I remember all the times I read to her about fairy tale princesses and their knights of glory. I remember all of the times I kissed away her sorrows, her injuries. I think about the lessons, both those of life and of the Force, that I had taught her and I hope that you know how special she is. I hope that you know how to take care of my little girl.

I remember the time when she wanted to marry me, and I remember the smile I gave her and the pat on her little head, "No, sweetheart, someday someone special will come and you will fall in love with him." Of course, at the time it seemed so far away, until the day I caught you kiss her on my front door step.

Then I began to notice the way you would look at her, the way she would look at you and I knew it was only a matter of time before you would ask for her.

I do find an odd pleasure in the memory of your discomfort as you stand before me, in my Coruscant office as I sit behind my desk nearly glaring at you. I relished the nervousness that I could feel coming from you. I thought it only served you right. I knew what you came there for and I wasn't going to make it easy on you. Well, I guess that I didn't, did I?

I still can't believe I would give you my consent. How could I give her away? And I still wonder—

_How could that beautiful woman with you  
Be the same freckle face kid that I knew  
The one that I read all those fairy tales to  
And tucked into bed all those nights  
And I knew the first time I saw you with her  
It was only a matter of time_

Finally, here we are at the reception, the wine has been poured and the toasts have been made. I'm completely forgotten as I stand back in the corner watching the two of you. You hold your wife, my beautiful baby girl, close and I doubt that you even hear the music, so lost in each other as you are.

I know you are perfect for her deep down in my soul. I can see it in the way you gently hold her, as if you're afraid she'll break, and yet, I know you'd catch her if ever she fell. I know that I can trust you with my baby. I know that you are the one that makes her whole. Without you my Jyssie would be miserable. I know that, but I can't help this broken heart. And I hope that you know—

_From the first breath she breathed  
When she first smiled at me  
I knew the love of a father runs deep  
Someday you might know what I'm going through  
When a miracle smiles up at you  
I loved her first _

FIN

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